Bad habits feel like the enemy.
My arch-nemesis.
The Moriarty to my Sherlock—opposing me at every step, thwarting my plans—like a blockbuster movie.
Like Mohammad Ali—loudly proclaiming “I AM THE GREATEST”—before I enter the boxing ring and try to prevail against him.
Sometimes it feels like my Bad Habits are my biggest adversary, bigger than any of the problems that I deal with in the real world.
This adversarial relationship makes it difficult to leave a Bad Habit behind, because I don’t know how to live without it. I’m off-balance, without my bad habit for a counterweight.
The feeling is real: without my Bad Habit, I will fall over.
And, simultaneously: my Bad Habit is harming me.
What I need is destroying me.
This is no way to live.
So what do? Can I cut out that bad habit, and white-knuckle through the uncertainty until a new habit develops? No, I cannot.
I know this, because I have tried many times, like so:
- I do X.
- X is harming me.
- I want to stop doing X.
- I stop doing X.
- I don’t know how to live without doing X.
- [anxiety]
- I start doing X again.
8. I feel like a failure, because X is harming me.
9. I resolve to stop doing X….
Each time I return to that sense of failure, that sense of powerlessness, that sense that I am forever in the grip of my bad habit. I am down in the bottom of a pit, no way out.
The self-reinforcing cycle.
Maybe I feel like there is no escape.
One day, I ask myself: is feeling true? Or have I been doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results if only I had more willpower this time.
What if I change my thinking? What if I refuse to face my bad habit in the boxing ring, head on?
What if I build myself a new counterbalance before cutting off the old bad habit? Then I will have something to lean on, instead of falling on my face again.
I shift my focus to building a new habit.
Instead of focusing on what I wish to stop doing, I think about what I would be doing instead. What is it that I would like to be doing? What is the Good Habit?
What would I be doing to support this Good Habit? How would I feel comfortable doing this Good Habit? What in my life needs to change to support this Good Habit?
I envision my life with this Good Habit.
I think of the first step in creating this Good Habit. Then, without trying to change the Bad Habit, I take that first step. I incorporate the first step into my life, over a series of days or weeks or months.
I begin to cultivate the Good Habit as a new counterweight, taking action each day that my body and my mind can count on. I am thankful for this new Good Habit.
Over time, I continue to build on this new habit. I shift, gradually, into a new pattern of living.
As I become comfortable with this new way of living, I discover that I am doing less of Bad Habit—because I’m not as dependent on it.
I trust that my new pattern of living is providing me with what I need.
Because of that, I am free from the Bad Habit. There is no need to continue doing something that is unnecessary to do.
And maybe, when I do Bad Habit without thinking, I can see the negative consequences of it: I don’t feel as good as when I do Good Habit.
The self-reinforcing cycle begins, only this time in a positive direction. I feel better when I do Good Habit, so I look forward to doing it again tomorrow.
If I stumble, I am reminded that Good Habit is a better pattern of life—and I know how to start doing it, just like I did at first.
Eventually, I realize that I have left my Bad Habit behind without thinking about it.
I can let go of my old counterbalance, because I already have a new one. I remain upright. I do not fall.
I joyfully live my new pattern of life.